Films We Only Watch for The Nudity
Films We Only Watch for The Nudity
(We don’t find breasts offensive here, but some of you might! So this is a warning that there may be images here that some people may find offensive. We have, however, called in our Modesty Cat to censor some of the more graphic moments. You have been WARNED! Meow)
We are all adults here right? So, we can admit that a certain amount of enjoyment in horror comes from more liberated views on sex and nudity. Friday the 13th just would not be the same movie if you took out all the nude teens. Jason literally drowned because a couple of hormonal teens could not keep it in their pants long enough to keep an eye on the kids. Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street and even the Hellraiser series are all films that feature a hefty amount of sex, and it’s hard to imagine these films without it. You’re more than likely to see nudity in horror than you are in an action, sci-fi or fantasy film, and it one of the very few medium in which it is acceptable to see mature content. However, sometimes even Horror can go a little OTT on the Nudity, and the films sexual content ends up being the best thing about the film. So here is our list that showcase films that explored sex more than horror. Films We Only Watch for The Nudity.
The Wicker Man (1973)
The 1970s was a pretty crazy time in Britain, the swinging 60s had left quite an impact on the nation and the sexual repression was slowly lifting. It was at this time that film makers started to explore sexuality differently. Nudity on film had once been a source of scandal and provocation, but its growing use was being treated more naturally. The Wicker Man director Robin Hardy intended to explore this, creating a contemporary society that was pre-Christian and quite liberal when it came to sex. One of the reoccurring themes for the Summerisle residents, was a sexual freedom that resulted in a lot of nude cavorting and dancing. This was used to show the islanders strong connection to nature, alongside angering and provoking the films protagonist, a devote Christina called Sgt. Neil Howie (Played with great passion by Edward woodwood), whose sexual repression was a mirror for Britain at the time.
Spicing up the film is 70s sex siren Britt Ekland, starring as a beautiful seductress, who’s biggest scene saw her cavorting around a bedroom stark naked, rubbing up against doors and baring her bum for the world to see (It’s probably worth noting that Ekland actually requested a bottom double for these scenes, which is why you do not see her face, but that did little to appease her then boyfriend Rod Stewart who threatened to buy the negatives and destroy them).
The films tense atmosphere and fantastic cast made little impact at first. Audience failed to grasp the films deeper meanings, and its release was met with a lukewarm response. People instead went just to see a nude Britt Ekland, overshadowing one of Edward Woodwood’s most powerful and emotional performances. Now I love The Wicker Man, it’s one of my favourite films, and it pains me to have to drop this film in this list, but it features more bare bums and breast than it does scares, and it quite frankly makes it a better film. Over time and maturity, we can now overlook the nudity to see the films intriguing and clever story. But bums are still fun!
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Cannibal Holocaust is one of those funny movies that you’ll probably only watch a couple of times in your life. It’s a disturbingly dark film that follows a group of filmmakers that end up on the wrong side of a plate whilst visiting the Amazon Rainforest. The seductive title certainly makes the movie sound like it involves some sort of spreading plague, but it’s actually a long winded and slow-paced film that spend most of its time with Harold Monroe, an anthropologist looking to rescue the three missing filmmakers. (spoilers alert) They were eaten by an angry tribe after they burnt down one of their villages. The films only saving grace is the ghastly gore special effects and the huge amount of nudity. Actress Francesca Ciardi spends a lot of screen time naked, and even the male cast members “get their nature on” as they bare all for the camera. The nudity doesn’t improve the film, but against the disturbing violence and scenes of cannibalism, the nudity is the only thing uplifting the film. If you’re watching Cannibal Holocaust just to see people brutally murdered and eaten, it’s probably time to visit a psychiatrist, but if you’re watching it for brief peek at some naughty bits… yep…that’s O.K.
Species is a creature feature that stars a shapeshifter alien hybrid that just so happens to be a beautiful, often nude, blond. The films ridiculous story line, sees its monster romping around on screen like some sex crazy vixen, in the hope of finding the perfect biological partner. It might sound like a good idea, but this story line falls part quicker than a soggy biscuit.
Species should have been a huge horror series. It had a great cast, great alien designs (by H.R. Giger), a hot up and coming actress in Natasha Henstridge and all the right type of advertisement. The film just failed to interest audiences. With its sequels barely making a profit and the third going straight to DVD, the series quickly disappeared into obscurity. The problem is that Species was nothing short of a softcore porn film, and whilst audience attended in hope of a cool scary sci-fi horror hybrid, what they got was Natasha Henstridge’s boobs wobbling about on screen for most of the run time. Great if you’re out with your mates, not so much if you’re out with your partner. The film became uncomfortable pretty quickly. The action packed trailers and huge hype made this film look like a huge summer blockbuster, instead of the a 108 minute boob-athon with elements of sci-fi and horror awkwardly thrown in. Because of its slow and boring story and stilted action, this is one film you’ll only ever re-watch to see some boobies!
The film adaption of Stephen king’s very first novel was highly acclaimed and is still seen as a classic horror to this day. With several sequels and remakes, it’s clearly a strong story that is enjoyed by many generation. But for one generation, it was a gift from the gods! Now you may be wondering why the film is even on this list, and the answer is pretty simple, Boobs! You see, when the film was first released to cinema audiences, the only way to get a glimpse at a pair of breasts was either in real life or via dirty magazines (which you found by the side of a train track!). With the internet still a decade away, Carrie was the best option for teenagers to get an eyeful of some fun bags. Yes yes, for sure lots of teens went because it was “scary” but who wants to seem overtly perverted by admitting their true intentions of seeing some naked teens shower. What better way to hide your dirty habits than masking it behind a love of horror films! Carrie gave a lot of teen boys some of the first true men boners, and that makes it a coming of age film for Carrie and audiences alike! Great job Mr King!
American Psycho (2000)
American Psycho is strongly enjoyable film about a New York investment banker Patrick Bateman’s and his psychopathic tendencies towards work and sex. Despite its batshit crazy story line and wacky sense of humour, the film is a thoroughly entertaining look at a man at the edge of sanity. Only in American Psycho, can see Christian Bale trying to feed a cat into a cash machine, such is its level of crazy. The film sadly lacks much rewatchability, as once you’ve discovered its dark secrets, there’s nothing else much to hold your attention. Unless you count Bale’s bat shit crazy sex scenes.
Looking like he’s posing for a Mr Universe contest, his sweat covered grinding and hilarious facial expressions makes these scenes just about the best thing ever filmed. Say what you will about Bale’s crazy offscreen antics, but he certainly buffed up to play Patrick Bateman, and his nude scenes and unemotionally sexual fantasies are about the only thing keeping this film from bring mediocre. I’ve just got to return some video tapes!
Piranha 3D (2010) and Piranha 3DD (2012)
The original Piranha films were never going to win any Oscars. But they certainly did what they said on the tin, by giving us a film filled hungry flesh-eating piranhas. The gore filled, tongue in cheek horrors were played for laughs, and it was highly enjoyable. Fast forward 30 years and you’re faced with two films that had only two things going for it, left and right. The remake of Piranha 3D and its sequel Piranha 3DD, were a completely different kettle of fish (ahem), aimed at a different generation of teens. The filmmakers certainly made sure that there was plenty of gore, but it’s crass sexual exploitation completely overshadows the horror. Piranha 3D relies on the lowest denomination of attending theatre goers, who only want to see the film to see nude women. The films so blasé about its sexual content, that it even put a cup size in its sequels title, and slung a picture of giant breast on its posters for good measure. With a lacking cast and little storyline, the films shallow concepts leave only the short thrills of semi naked beach babes for entertainment. It’s sad to say, but without all the nudity, the film would really blow!
Tobe Hooper’s amazing Space Vampire thriller sees an alien creature looking to resurrect the crew of her ship, by sucking the life force out of people. The space vampire creature takes the form of a young teenage girl, played by Mathilda May, and uses her seductive powers to get close enough to drain her victims. With an amazing cast, including an early appearance of Patrick Stewart, the film is highly enjoyable for many reasons, but there is one reason that sticks out like a sore thumb. You see, Mathilda May does not wear a lot of clothes in this film. It’s almost like she allergic to them. The film cruelly forces upon you a stunningly beautiful woman, with deep brown eyes, pert breasts and an ass carved like marble, and she’s naked for like 90% of the movie. And I’m not even talking about a bit of topless fun, I mean FULLY nude. And in a way, she the films saving grace. The first half of the film is a little slow to get going, and Mathilda’s nude escapades are just mesmerising, seductively taking you through the films slower moments with a grace and presences that’s hard to ignore. It’s not until the films third act, that things truly get explosive, and the slow beginning truly pays off. It’s the change of pace that really shakes things up and makes for a thoroughly entertaining last 20 minutes. Overall, Lifeforce is an amazing film, filled with fantastic special effects, a great cast and just about one of the most beautiful women to ever grace a film camera, and you get to see her nude!