Food glorious food. If there is one thing that gets me through a good film, it’s the sumptuous helpings of delicious food we get to watch film characters eat. From massive banquets to road side café stop offs, films are never short on a good dose of food porn once in a while. But, whilst we can easily recreate these scenes with a brief order from Just Eat or Deliver Roo, some orders may be bit harder to do, because some foods only exist in film and TV. And that’s our list for today, a look at 10 tasty treats that make our stomach grumble with little to no chance of us ever getting to taste them. Here are Authentic Bulgarian Miak and 10 other fictional foods from film and TV!

Authentic Bulgarian Miak – Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)

When Ernest is faced with an ancient evil troll who desperately wants to kill him, in the 1991 comedy Ernest Scared Stupid, he pulls out a stoneware jar of Authentic Bulgarian Miak. The mysterious substance has been the subject of much discussion over the years, but what exactly is Miak?

If you were hoping to pick up a jar in your local Costco, then your straight out of luck because Miak is not a real thing. The product was set up as a gag, with Ernest authenticating it with the throw away line “I bet you didn’t think I could find any this time of year ” making the audience either question their general knowledge of products, or accept that it’s just something they have never heard or before.

The entire design of the product is made to confuse, with words like authentic and original printed on the label. The name clearly is a play on Milk and Yak, meaning that it’s a milk based product of some sort, but apart from that, we can only guess to exactly what is inside the jar.

Stomach Pounder – The Fog (1980)

When The Fog hit cinemas in 1980, there was one single thing that overshadowed the story of leperous ghosts, and it came in the form of a throw away line. A Stomach Pounder. During the scene when Andy is waking his mom up to show her the piece of wood, he asks if he can have a stomach pounder and a coke. But what is a Stomach Pounder.

Well, it seems it could be any number of things. As a cool call back to the John Carpenter film, Halloween 6 references the Stomach Pounder as a smoothie concoction made up of all manner of different ingredients. However, in the Novelization of the The Fog, it claims to be a refence to a McDonalds Quarter Pounder, which seems a little out of character for the sleepy little town. Antonio Bay doesn’t really seem like the place for an early 80’s franchise to be popping up.

To set the record straight, Carpenter has repeatedly said it was a joke, but fed up with being ask over and over again, he finally put a definition on it. “A stomach pounder is a phys ed exercise.” As it’s highly unlikely young Andy was asking to do some stomach crunches, I think it’s safe to say the Stomach Pounder is just a fictional thing.

Scooby Snacks – Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! (1969 – Present)

Writers Joe Ruby and Ken Spears created the original series, Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!, for Hanna-Barbera Productions in 1969. The show introduced us to Scooby Doo, a Great Dane and lifelong companion of amateur detective Shaggy Rogers. The terrified duo were part of a mystery solving crew called Mystery, Inc. who travelled around in a camper van solving mysteries and crimes.

Both Scooby and Shaggy were always reluctant to delve deeper into a case, and they were often bribed into dangerous situations with the temptation of a Scooby Snack. These dog biscuits were not only delicious for canines, but for humans too, as Shaggy would always participate in a snack too.

You have to wonder just how delicious these treats were, as they managed to overcome any anxiety that Shaggy and Scoob ever had. Producer William Hanna had always imagined that a “Scooby Snack” would taste like some sort of a caramel-flavoured cookie, and that seems to make sense.

The popularity of the fictional treats led Warner Bros. to licensed Scooby Snacks as both an official brand of doggie treats and as a human-consumable cookie snack, so that all fans (dog and humans alike) can enjoy these delicious treats.

Big Kahuna Burger – Pulp Fiction (1994)

There a many shocking things about Quentin Tarantino’s epic crime thriller, the Big Kahuna Burger is certainly not one of them. When collecting a brief case for their bosses business partners,  Hitmen Jules and Vincent , disrupt the group mid breakfast, which turns out to be from Big Kahuna Burger. The delicious looking burger certainly sounds legit, but does the chain really exist?

Sadly, the Hawaiian-themed fast food restaurants only exist in the mind of Tarantino and cohort Robert Rodriguez, as it’s a chain that has popped up throughout their filmographies. In Tarantino’s 1992 debut film, Reservoir Dogs, Michael Madsen’s character Mr. Blonde drinks a soda from Big Kahuna Burger, George Clooney’s character Seth Gecko gets takeout from Big Kahuna Burger in From Dusk Till Dawn and Kurt Russell’s character Stuntman Mike asks Jungle Julia about a billboard “near Big Kahuna Burger”, in Deathproof.

There are many other examples too, but whether or not the Hawaiian styled burger is feal or not, it sure looks like a tasty burger.

Butterbeer – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

There are many foods and drinks that pop up in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, but one item that has whipped fans up into a frenzy is the fabled Butterbeer. The sugary drink was first mentioned in the fourth novel Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. But what is it…and where can you get one?

Well of course, the Butterbeer started life as a fictional drink for the book series. Butterbeer was a popular wizarding beverage described as tasting “a little bit like less-sickly butterscotch”. It was served at numerous locations in the wizarding world and had a very slight alcoholic content. But if there is one thing you should never do, it’s to underestimate the ingenuity of Harry Potter Fans, or the power of big corporations, because both have created their very own version of the famous wizard drink.

Many fans have come up with their very own take on the drink, usually made with chilled cream soda, caramel and a huge dollop of whipped cream! But, if you want to taste the “real deal”, you’ll need to pop down to Universal Studios, where the The Wizarding World of Harry Potter has a constant stock of the drink, costing $3.99 for regular, or $4.99 for traditional frozen Butterbeer.

Krabby Patties – Spongebob Squarepants (1999 – Present)

There are many cartoon burgers out there that we’d all love to get our paws on. From Popeye’s “Wimpy” burgers to Krusty the Clown’s Krusty Burger, there are plenty to choose from. But the one that has our interests, is the delicious treats served up at the famous Bikini Bottom restaurant, the Krusty Krab.

Created by Eugene H. Krabs, the Krabby Patties served up at Krusty Krab are created using a very secret formula. The burger is made up of sea cheese, sea lettuce, sea tomatoes, pickles, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and sea onions, served on a secret recipe patty between a sesame seed bun. No one but Mr Krabs knows what really goes into making these delicious burger patties.

Over the years, certain ingredients have been let slip, such as flour, barnacle shavings, salt, turmeric and a pinch of chum, but the key ingredient is “love” and the special sauce. Whilst we can only speculate what it is that makes those Krabby Patties so damn tasty, it’s a real shame that we can’t find out for ourselves.

The Stuff  – The Stuff  (1985)

There were many horror villains that popped up during the 80’s, but it took a cult classic to spawn a sentient killer dessert. Exploitation auteur Larry Cohen created a central premise that is undeniably outlandish yet extraordinarily fun. The film sees two prospectors stumble on a white goo, bubbling up from the ground, and discover it tastes great.

The Stuff, a white, ice-cream-like substance, turns out to be a massive hit with the general public, but it starts to display an alarming level of intelligence as it takes control of its consumers, like a twisted version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Whilst the nature of this goo is never addressed, one thing is for sure, it certainly looks delicious and we’d sell a leg or two just get a taste of that sweet sweet candy.

Everlasting Gobstopper – Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971)

The crazed genius Willy Wonka, conjured up by the mind of Roald Dahl, has many amazing treats up his sleeve. These candies range from Wonka Bars, Cavity-Filling Caramels and Luminous Lollies to more wilder ideas such as Hot Ice Cubes, Lickable Wallpaper and Toffee-Apple Trees. But out of all of the crazy creations, there was one that appeared in both movie version of The Chocolate Factory and is something everybody could appreciate, the Everlasting Gobstopper.

This gobstopper is one that never runs out, and would only ever change colour as you suck on it. In the book, the Everlasting Gobstopper was being tested in The Testing Room.  An Oompa-Loompa was sucking on it for about a year, it was just as good as ever. In the 1971 film, a fake Slugworth wanted Charlie Bucket and the other Golden Ticket winners to bring him an Everlasting Gobstopper as part of an industrial espionage plot.

This fictional candy is certainly the thing of dreams for kids, but even as a fully developed adult, there’s a little part of us that still wishes that it was a real thing.

Lembas Bread – The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

The fantasy world of J. R. R. Tolkien is filled with foods, which is both a source of pleasure and a constant issue with the parties that appear in both The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. Adventuring means skipping meals, but it also means meeting new people and enjoying sumptuous feasts and banquets.

As a source of sustenance for the Fellowship of the Ring, Galadriel gave a large stock of Lembas Bread to the Fellowship of the Ring, upon its departure from Lothlórien. This Elven made bread is a source of great nutrition and one bite can sustain a man for a day. It can also keep fresh for many days and months if left within it’s leaf-wrappings. Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee subsisted on it through the majority of their journey from Lothlórien to Mordor.

But, the best thing about Lembas Bread, is that it tastes great, and that’s why we desperately want to taste this fictional elven snack.

Soylent Green – Soylent Green (1973)

In the year of 2022, overpopulation and pollution have resulted in a dystopian world where only the city’s elite can afford spacious apartments, clean water and natural food. Most survive on cheap crackers made out of chemicals and vegetable matter from the international conglomerate the Soylent Corporation. As trees, plants and animals are no longer available to sustain the worlds populace, humanity survives on Soylents products.

The newest thing on the block is a new flavour called Soylent Green, which is in very sparse supply. This new product is more flavourful and nutritious , and advertised as being made from ocean plankton. However, the films plot evolves around a police investigation that discovers a terrible truth, that Soylent Green is made from recycled people.

Despite this terrifying turn of events, where a global monopoly falsely feed it’s populace on the remains of the dead, the delicious sounding snack sure does get our tongues tingling.

“Hey Horror Fans – O.K. so NOW i’m hungry. I could do with a nice big tasty burger, a SLICE of cheese and a side order of DIES. And for afters I’d love some iceSCREAM. Yum yum! What are your favorite film foods? let us know in the comments below! Until next time…

Keep Rotten”

“Morti” The Mortician